Catch your boyfriend doing something right

Northern Iowan | Jeff Krueger, Writer
Published February 10th, 2011

Dear Ladies,

My name is Jeff Krueger and I am a proud boyfriend of more than a year. During that time, however, my relationship has gone over a few bumps in the road, most uprooting from a failure in communication. Quite the quagmire... that is, until I discovered the book, "Catch Your Dog Doing Something Right" by Krista Cantrell. A few chapters in, I realized it had more to do with men than dogs. Then again, dogs are mans best friend.

Here are a few lessons I learned that I wish to pass on to you, so that you may have a deeper relationship with your man.

Act enthusiastically. Your boyfriend doesn't know that you've spent all day cramming for that math test, slaving over a history paper and sucking up to snotty customers. He's spent his day waiting to see his master girlfriend. When you blow up on him, he doesn't understand why. He's excited to see you, so act excited to see him. If you just can't fake it, take 10 minutes beforehand to de-stress. Listen to a favorite song, reread a note he wrote you, anything to brighten your mood. Then go and greet him with a little enthusiasm. When he sees you happy, he'll want to please you even more. It's a win-win situation.

Teach, don't train. Contrary to popular belief, men have brains and can be taught new behaviors. As a woman, it's your duty to help teach your boyfriend which behaviors are acceptable and which are not. If he tries getting frisky while you're concentrating on your homework, don't just slap him and yell, "No!" He's told "No!" a million times a day; its meaning is lost to him. Instead, try teaching him an acceptable behavior. When he gets frisky, tell him in a calm voice, "Let me finish this assignment and then we can get nasty." Chances are he'll wait, plus the anticipation will drive him wild.

Insist that the relationship comes first. Both of you probably have a mountain of stuff going on at the moment: school, work, friends, etc. However, if your boyfriend is going through a rough patch, don't ignore him. Take the time to talk with him. Give him a back massage, cook him dinner or just spend a little time in his arms. After all, your grade in Oral Comm. won't be sitting next to you on a porch swing watching the sunset when you're 64, but he might.

Believe mistakes do not mean failure. Your boyfriend forgot your anniversary. Big deal, right? Wrong! He made a mistake. Remember when you forgot about the brake pedal and accidentally hit the gas, propelling you into the car ahead of you? We all make mistakes, but dwelling on them will turn a dirt clog on your path into a relationship mudslide. Don't forget he has a brain and can learn from his mistakes, but not if you're always mad at him.

Finally, catch your boyfriend doing something right! Men and women are from different planets, but evolution has pitted the survival of the human race on our cooperation (and on the union of our respective anatomical parts). That said, men are difficult to deal with: we don't listen, we never show affection, we don't appreciate all you do for us... or so you think! We are as often committed to making relationships work as women; it just takes patience and understanding to figure us out.

So, next time, before you scold your boyfriend for doing something wrong, try rewarding him for doing something right. If you do, he just might surprise you.